brandy82: (Default)
 a song fic on my fave NCiS pairing



What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts

Tony is sitting in his and Ziva’s bedroom. He hasn’t been the same since she left and even though everyone has tried to get him to leave the house he just hasn’t wanted to. Why leave the only place he can still feel her in. As he is sitting there he has the radio playing quietly in the background. It has been playing the same song since he had put it on. It was one of Ziva’s favorite songs and one she always wanted to listen to. As he is staring at a picture of them on their wedding day he hears the words to this song.

I can take the rain
On the roof of this empty house
That don’t brother me
I can take a few tears now and then 
And I just let ‘em out
I’m not afraid to cry every once 
In a while
Even though goin’ on with you
Gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again 
I pretend I’m okay
But that’s not what gets me


Tony thinks back on the day that he first asked Ziva out on a date. He had been so nervous and he had thought that he might actually pass out but after he had asked her and she said yes he felt like he was untop of the world. He never felt that way again until the day that he had asked her to marry him.

Flashback

Tony was sitting in their living room staring at the blank TV when Ziva came walking in from the bedroom. It was late at night and Ziva had woken up to find Tony not in their bed. When she walked into the living room she found him just staring into space.

“Hey. What’s wrong?”

When Tony heard her voice he jumped cause he didn’t know she was there but then he just turned around and smiled at her. “Nothing Sweetheart. Come here.” He holds his hand out to her and she walks over to him and sits in between his legs.

“Are you sure cause you looked like you were lost in thought a minute ago.”

Tony just smiles at her. “Yea. I was just thinking.” Tony says as he kisses her head.

“What about?”

“Us.”

“What about us? Tony you have been acting strange lately what’s going on?”

Tony just gets out from behind her and goes into the bedroom when he comes back he has something in his hand. He knees down in front of Ziva and takes her hand.

“Tony what are you doing?”

Tony just puts a finger to her lips and kisses her hand. “I have been trying to figure out a perfect place and time to do this but I can’t seem to think of anything better then right now. I have loved you for so long now Ziva that I don’t even remember what it was like not to love you. I have always been searching for the perfect girl and then boom you crash into my life and it hasn’t been the same since. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life loving you and showing you.” Tony stops and takes a breath. He sees Ziva crying and wipes away her tears. “Don’t cry baby. I am going to ask you this one time and I am hoping you will give me an answer. Ziva will you marry me?” Ziva couldn’t speak so she just nodded her head yes. Tony just smiled and then he placed the ring on her finger and then picks her up and spines around.


End Flashback


Tony just stares at the picture with tears rolling down his face. “Oh, baby. I miss you so much. I can’t believe that you are gone. I didn’t get to say goodbye to you. I wish it was me instead of you. I should have been there with you instead of McGee. I would have been able to protect you better.” As he is saying this he is getting more and more upset.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin’ so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowin’
What could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
Is what I was tryin’ to do


Tony can’t take anymore so he gets up and goes out into the living room. All he can think about is the day that he had gotten the call telling him that Ziva had been shot.

Flashback

Tony comes rushing into the hospital and runs up to the desk. “I need to know where my wife is?”

“What’s the name sir?”

“Ziva DiNozzo.” Just before the nurse could say anything Tony heard Gibbs calling him.

Tony runs over to Gibbs. “How is she boss?”

“Tony you should sit.”

When Tony hears this he already knows his answer. “No! Where is my wife Gibbs? I want to see her!” Tony yells.

Gibbs just bows his head and walks him to the room. “I’ll be right out here if you need me.”

“The only thing I need is my wife.” Tony said as he walks into her room.

After Tony goes into the room McGee comes running over to him. “How is she?”

Gibbs just stares at him. “She didn’t make it that is how she is McGee! Where the hell were you? I said for you to go with her so please tell me how it is that you are just now getting here and Tony is in there with his dead wife?”

McGee just looked down. “I was running a little behind when you called me and I was just on my way out the door and into my car by the time I had gotten there I was told by the cops there that she was brought here. I came as fast as I could. I’m sorry.”

Gibbs just looks at McGee. “Yeah well your sorry isn’t going to cut it this time. Go sit over there and stay out of the way. I am going to go in and see if I can get Tony to come out of there. If I was you I would be ready for anything cause the second he sees you I don’t think it is going to be a hug that he is going to give you.” Gibbs said as he walks into Ziva’s room closing the door in McGee’s face. 


End Flashback

It’s hard to deal with the pain 
Of losin’ you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ it 
It’s hared to force that smile when I see our old friends and 
I’m alone
Still harder gettin’ up, getting’ dressed, livin’ with the regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away
All the words that I saved in my heart
That I let unspoken


Tony just picks up a glass and throws it against the wall as all the memories come back to him and he feels like he can’t breath. He slides down the wall putting his face in his hands as he cries for the life and wife that was taking from him. He stops crying so hard and just stares at the picture on the wall as he remembers that day in the hospital after Gibbs had gotten him to come out of Ziva’s room only to see McGee there.

Flashback

When Tony opens the door and walks out with Gibbs walking right behind him he sees McGee standing there with his hands in his pocket. “Tony, I’m so sorry. I didn’t get there…” just before McGee could Finnish what he was saying Tony had him up against the wall with his hands on his shirt.

“Where the hell were you? Why was Ziva there by herself? Why is she dead and not you?” Tony yelled as Gibbs pulls him off of McGee.

“I was running late. Why didn’t she wait for me? Why would she think that it was a smart move to go in there by herself?” McGee was saying more to himself then anyone else but Tony still didn’t care what he had to say.

“Why? Because Gibbs asked her to do something and she didn’t have time to wait for you to grace her with you appearance! It doesn’t matter why she felt she had to go in there the point is that you weren’t there to protect her like a good partner should be! You let her get killed and now her death is on your hands and I hope it eats you up inside for the rest of your life.” Tony said as he pulled himself from Gibbs and walked out of the hospital.


End Flashback


What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin’ so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowin’
What could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
Is what I was tryin’ to do


Tony is still getting assaulted by the memories and there is nothing he can do to make them stop.

Flashback

Tony is sitting in the front row of the church staring at Ziva’s picture. He didn’t want people to see how still his wife was so he asked that the casket be closed and he had his favorite picture of her blow up and put up so that everyone saw that instead. As he is starring at the picture he feels a hand on his shoulder. When he looks up he sees that it is McGee.

“Tony, I’m so sorry. I wish that I had been there. I wish she was still with us.”

Tony just looks at him. “Yea. Well I wish it were you instead of my beautiful wife. Did you know that she was pregnant?” When McGee didn’t say anything Tony just nodded. “I didn’t think so.” Tony then left and walked over to her casket.


End Flashback



What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin’ so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowin’
What could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
Is what I was tryin’ to do


Tony just sits in the living room starring out of the window. He is so tired that he just wants to go to sleep and never wake up but he knows that would not be what Ziva would have wanted him to do. As he is starring out the window he sees a shooting star and knows that it is Ziva telling him that she is still with him. Tony just smiles. “Night Angel.”

Not seein’ that lovin’ you
That’s what I was trying to do
Oooo, oooo, oooo -

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January 2013

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